duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
