dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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