There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
