So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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