You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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