her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
