If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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