my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
