He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
