I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
