We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I smell like Dick and happiness
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
