ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I understand Curling. That high.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
