Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
