I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize