Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
