If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize