I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Fuck appropriateness.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
