This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
