My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He better not be in your backpack
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
