Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
a search helicopter?!
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
