he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
