Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize