I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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