I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
