Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
