: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
