I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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