: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
