WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
