Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I have surprise drugs for everyone
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
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