ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
