she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize