After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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