i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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