I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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