i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
