dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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