I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
