are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
