it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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