I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
never play flip cup with pint glasses
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize