Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
