I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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