miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
