My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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