And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
