Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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