Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
