ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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