pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
