I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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