I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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