She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
