You smell like stripper and shame
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
