im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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