Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
