I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
