I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
