You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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