She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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