i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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