i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
