I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
