guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
