So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
