dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
