My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
someone owes me an orgasm
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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