I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
