Its about making memories worth repressing
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
