I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
