that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
