I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
