I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
They took my balls.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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