My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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