um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I have tasted many bathrooms
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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