The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
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